Partners now or
Partners for life?
Be comfortable with yourself
Before you invite another person into your life, it
is essential to be comfortable with yourself. Be happy with what you do,
your hobbies, your friends, and your overall life. If you are unhappy
because of some reason, other than being single, find out what that
reason is, address it and be complete with yourself. If you have debt or
financial problems, it is good to look into logical options that can be
achieved and not chase after get rich schemes as these more often than
not are scams or take immense effort to benefit from these programs.
Make requirements you desire in a partner
Often times, we meet someone nice and take it from
there. Some of us go out looking for a pretty woman or a handsome man,
or a man with money, or a woman with great “assets”. If you are
experienced enough, you will quickly learn that these exterior
quantitative attractions are short lived. These things are usually not
real qualities as they do not show how well you will interact with the
person, how well your personalities get along, how well your interests
will match and most importantly, how well you both will get along. You
need driving factors that will eventually keep both of you together,
permanently. Initial attraction is important for some people to have
physical attraction, and that is fine, however, don’t stop there. Make a
list of requirements that you would like in a mate, example:
Outgoing
Its good to think of places you like to go, like
traveling both local and overseas, bars, clubs, lounges, picnics, the
beach, the park, etc. Going to a mutually fun place is always a great
setting for a great relationship. The places you find interesting
together will be places you feel the most at peace and relaxed, as well
as the most fun. If you have not already done so, start thinking of
places you like, start out locally. Go to bars, restaurants, even if it
means going by yourself, just so you know your surrounding and know what
you find interesting, so you don’t have to scramble when you date asks
you where are you taking him/her.
Patience/temper
If you have a temper or have extreme patience, you
need to set a tolerant level so that others do not take advantage of
you. If you have a temper, know that some people will find this trait
unattractive as well as if you have too much patience. There needs to be
some kind of balance to your quest. If you would like to keep your
traits, be comfortable with them and confident so you don’t overpower
your mate or vice versa.
Baggage/Problems
It is important that you again, clear up the
possible life issues you have outstanding. This way, you can search for
a partner with no baggage. If you have drama, this will drive your mate
out of your life, especially if that person has no setbacks. Do not
promise change if it is not feasibly possible in the near future. So
when you go out seeking a mate, make it clear that you want to know of
any baggages that this person has, so that you can assess whether you
can deal with it or not. Often times, we get tied to a person and then
learn of “skeletons in the closet”. So to prevent this, we need to ask
questions upfront to protect us from getting too deep and finding out
unpleasant things we would have otherwise run from.
Be Honest
This is the most common problem for both genders.
Our mates lie/cheat and deceive without even thinking about the feelings
and the future repercussions of this simple act. Being truthful seems to
be a hard task for some, and a hard pill to swallow for those who can’t
handle the raw truth. However, it is always a good thing to make th
eother party know the truth. This will clear your conscience, and take
you out of a deadly cycle of lying unnecessarily. There is often no good
reason to lie, even to a child, because there is always the equal
opportunity that the person will find out the truth once they are
interacting with other people. Truthfulness strengthens almost all
relationships. I cannot stress this enough, as this simple factor can
make or break relationships, choose your path wisely.
Respect
By virtue, well mannered people admire people who
show them respect. This ties in with honesty and trust. No one likes to
be hurt or feel insulted, except for those with unusual fetishes. Be
respectful to your mate, be polite, and always try to see a situation
from the other person’s viewpoint. If you do not agree, hear the person
out and then make a decision, whether you were present at an incident or
not, this is what makes things relevant. There is always something to be
learned from a situation or interaction, so never neglect to be as
understanding and calm as possible, you might just learn a life long
lesson.
Likes/dislikes
Another very important thing to do is make a
thorough list of likes and dislikes, turn on’s and turn off’s. As silly
as this seems, it has proven to be one of the most effective way for a
partner to stay “in the green” as it concerns the other party. How else
would you know what bothers or annoys your partner? How else would you
go about making that person smile, miss you, and want to hear from you?
This does not paint a life story, but it does make things a lot easier
for the other person so that they don’t have to go through the phase of
trial and error, it is like a roadmap to happiness and not get on the
other person’s last nerve unintentionally.
Compromising
Equally important is the principle of give and take
(compromise). Some of us are stubborn down to the teeth. If we think we
are right, we won’t even want to hear the other side of the story or
what the other person has to say. Often times we even over talk or end
the conversation without much more thought as long as we prove our
point. This again is very unhealthy. This will end a lot of
relationships because it will be impossible for the other person to feel
important, liked/loved and that you really care. Just imagine you
talking to someone and that person not even paying you any mind or
giving you any attention or feedback, that is a very one sided situation
that will end soner than later. No logical person will allow themselves
to be in such a beatdown situation for very long, especially if they do
not have much to lose.
Communication
Communication is one of the most important factor
(if not the most important) of any relationship. Without communication
on a healthy level, almost all relationships will be short lived. The
same way we interact with friends, family and overall people on a daily
basis is a form of communication we often ignore. Society as a whole is
built on effective communication. If you are misinterpreted, then your
words and intention could be considered harmful, offensive, rude or even
stupid. It is important when communicating with a mate or possible mate,
to learn to stay quiet while someone else is talking. Think of it as a
debate. If you are on television, you wait your turn and then address
the other party or the question put in front of you to address. Treat
the issue the same way. It might sound different from what some of us
are used to, what environment we come from, however, it does not excuse
the fact that we must respect the other individual and see their side of
the story before passing judgment. It does not matter who did what
first, it matters how you will deal with the situation. As a personal
example, recently, from the date of writing this article, I was in a
relationship. We had wonderful times while we were together, we loved
travelling, experiencing new things and going new places. However, when
we got into an argument, she would prove to be unreasonable. I would
often listen to her side of the story, and most times it did not make
much sense to my point, but I listened anyway. When I explained my side
of the story, she would interrupt me, and then try to add things in
while I went along, and in the end, nothing got resolved.
We broke up for that same reason, I had to end it. I needed
someone who was able to sit with me at a table, or quiet spot, talk
about our problems, and work towards resolving them. If someone tells me
something and acts outside of the spoken resolution, to me, that show
lack of dedication, lack of interest and blatant disrespect for my
feelings. So only you can decide when and where to draw the line of
tolerance.
Affection
and Intimacy
It is important to understand what attracts your
mate to you, what turns him/her on, what are their turn offs, what makes
them think of you, what makes them want you, what makes them crave you
and what makes them go wild when they are in your presence. I do not
mean that every single time this person should be hot
and ready for intimacy, however, there should always be room for
the possibility. If you kiss your mate, he/she should be happy, wanting
and just satisfied with your presence. If this becomes a burden or a
chore, you need to find out why this is happening and how you can
possibly fix it. Speak about intimacy issues with your mate, and let
them know what is bothering you. You should also speak out when you are
excited, things you like about the person, how they make you feel, how
much you are into them. You should never try to say everything at once.
Why? Because your relationship was not made in one moment, in one hour o
rone day. Take the time to express yourself in the moment and not sum up
everything at once. This will establish more appreciation and make your
mate feel alive and vibrant when you enter their presence. Too much sex
can become boring after a while. Sometimes it is good to hold back and
spend time away from your mate, or go out and enjoy a movie, a date once
in a while, do spontaneous things, be romantic. If your mate doesn’t
seem to like much romance, speak up and ask them if they do and if not,
what can be a substitute? You might not get an answer here, but I am
sure you can eventually find out what makes their clock tick.
Love
Love for most people, at least most that I have
come across, and interact with, comes from deep affection and
appreciation of the person they are with. This is true as there is a
saying that the more time you spend around a person, you see the beauty
in them. However, in my opinion (emphasis added), again I say, in my
opinion, I do not believe this is love at all. Appreciation, gratitude,
thoughtfulness, attraction, etc are all great traits that may lead to
love, however, I have found that a greater understanding of yourself and
what you are truly seeking will bring along a more vibrant connection
called love. I am not sure if this is possible for everyone, but I am
sure it is attainable. I
myself have experienced something so wonderful, I wonder if I will ever
get the chance to experience such pleasures again. From personal
experience I bring you this small excerpt from my real past.
I dated a fellow Gemini in college, we dated for
approximately three years. Around the ending of the second year, we
stood in front of her sister’s house and spoke about what we would like
to accomplish in the future. We laughed and joked about various
subjects. At that moment, I looked at my girlfriend and thought of how
beautiful she was, the almost 3 years we were together and all the
wonderful things we’ve done and what has kept us together all this time.
I looked at her and saw a future with her, and saw what I wanted in a
girl, in a woman, in a wife. She stared back at me after she saw that I
was looking at her, and I felt her spirit interact with mine on an
emotional level I could not explain. I saw a beauty beyond the physical
woman standing in front of me, and I could not put words on the moment
in time. My heart raced for a short moment and I kissed her on the
forehead. I can tell she was not as matured as I was nor as ready as I
was to start a family, but she knew I was in love with her. She did not
consciously know what transpired at that moment, as she had no clue what
she wanted spiritually. She just saw me as a boyfriend, the one man she
was attached and attracted to. And for that, I wish it was different
because I never met another woman that I was able to interact with on
such a spiritual level. So to me, love is so much deeper than physical
connections and emotions, it is more found on a spiritual level.
However, this may be different for everyone.
Growing up, I heard about infatuation, and the
difference between infatuation and love, yet I have experienced
something never explained to me and I haven’t heard it from anyone
before. This raised the bar as far as self awareness for me.
I would urge all reading this to not expect to just have deep
feelings for someone and stop there. Think about your partner as a
learning experience and not an accomplishment. This way you both will
find interesting things to keep learning about each other. This also
helps build self awareness and develop more interest in your partner as
a whole and not just as romantic partner.
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