Partners Now or Partners For Life?

Partners now or Partners for life?  Be comfortable with yourself Before you invite another person into your life, it is essential to be comfortable with yourself. Be happy with what you do, your hobbies, your friends, and your overall life. If you are unhappy because of some reason, other than being single, find out what that reason is, address it and be complete with yourself. If you have debt or financial problems, it is good to look into logical options that can be achieved and not chase after get rich schemes as these more often than not are scams or take immense effort to benefit from these programs.  Make requirements you desire in a partner Often times, we meet someone nice and take it from there. Some of us go out looking for a pretty woman or a handsome man, or a man with money, or a woman with great “assets”. If you are experienced enough, you will quickly learn that these exterior quantitative attractions are short lived. These things are usually not real qualities as they do not show how well you will interact with the person, how well your personalities get along, how well your interests will match and most importantly, how well you both will get along. You need driving factors that will eventually keep both of you together, permanently. Initial attraction is important for some people to have physical attraction, and that is fine, however, don’t stop there. Make a list of requirements that you would like in a mate, example: Outgoing Its good to think of places you like to go, like traveling both local and overseas, bars, clubs, lounges, picnics, the beach, the park, etc. Going to a mutually fun place is always a great setting for a great relationship. The places you find interesting together will be places you feel the most at peace and relaxed, as well as the most fun. If you have not already done so, start thinking of places you like, start out locally. Go to bars, restaurants, even if it means going by yourself, just so you know your surrounding and know what you find interesting, so you don’t have to scramble when you date asks you where are you taking him/her.  Patience/temper If you have a temper or have extreme patience, you need to set a tolerant level so that others do not take advantage of you. If you have a temper, know that some people will find this trait unattractive as well as if you have too much patience. There needs to be some kind of balance to your quest. If you would like to keep your traits, be comfortable with them and confident so you don’t overpower your mate or vice versa. Baggage/Problems It is important that you again, clear up the possible life issues you have outstanding. This way, you can search for a partner with no baggage. If you have drama, this will drive your mate out of your life, especially if that person has no setbacks. Do not promise change if it is not feasibly possible in the near future. So when you go out seeking a mate, make it clear that you want to know of any baggages that this person has, so that you can assess whether you can deal with it or not. Often times, we get tied to a person and then learn of “skeletons in the closet”. So to prevent this, we need to ask questions upfront to protect us from getting too deep and finding out unpleasant things we would have otherwise run from. Be Honest This is the most common problem for both genders. Our mates lie/cheat and deceive without even thinking about the feelings and the future repercussions of this simple act. Being truthful seems to be a hard task for some, and a hard pill to swallow for those who can’t handle the raw truth. However, it is always a good thing to make th eother party know the truth. This will clear your conscience, and take you out of a deadly cycle of lying unnecessarily. There is often no good reason to lie, even to a child, because there is always the equal opportunity that the person will find out the truth once they are interacting with other people. Truthfulness strengthens almost all relationships. I cannot stress this enough, as this simple factor can make or break relationships, choose your path wisely. Respect By virtue, well mannered people admire people who show them respect. This ties in with honesty and trust. No one likes to be hurt or feel insulted, except for those with unusual fetishes. Be respectful to your mate, be polite, and always try to see a situation from the other person’s viewpoint. If you do not agree, hear the person out and then make a decision, whether you were present at an incident or not, this is what makes things relevant. There is always something to be learned from a situation or interaction, so never neglect to be as understanding and calm as possible, you might just learn a life long lesson. Likes/dislikes Another very important thing to do is make a thorough list of likes and dislikes, turn on’s and turn off’s. As silly as this seems, it has proven to be one of the most effective way for a partner to stay “in the green” as it concerns the other party. How else would you know what bothers or annoys your partner? How else would you go about making that person smile, miss you, and want to hear from you? This does not paint a life story, but it does make things a lot easier for the other person so that they don’t have to go through the phase of trial and error, it is like a roadmap to happiness and not get on the other person’s last nerve unintentionally. Compromising Equally important is the principle of give and take (compromise). Some of us are stubborn down to the teeth. If we think we are right, we won’t even want to hear the other side of the story or what the other person has to say. Often times we even over talk or end the conversation without much more thought as long as we prove our point. This again is very unhealthy. This will end a lot of relationships because it will be impossible for the other person to feel important, liked/loved and that you really care. Just imagine you talking to someone and that person not even paying you any mind or giving you any attention or feedback, that is a very one sided situation that will end soner than later. No logical person will allow themselves to be in such a beatdown situation for very long, especially if they do not have much to lose. Communication Communication is one of the most important factor (if not the most important) of any relationship. Without communication on a healthy level, almost all relationships will be short lived. The same way we interact with friends, family and overall people on a daily basis is a form of communication we often ignore. Society as a whole is built on effective communication. If you are misinterpreted, then your words and intention could be considered harmful, offensive, rude or even stupid. It is important when communicating with a mate or possible mate, to learn to stay quiet while someone else is talking. Think of it as a debate. If you are on television, you wait your turn and then address the other party or the question put in front of you to address. Treat the issue the same way. It might sound different from what some of us are used to, what environment we come from, however, it does not excuse the fact that we must respect the other individual and see their side of the story before passing judgment. It does not matter who did what first, it matters how you will deal with the situation. As a personal example, recently, from the date of writing this article, I was in a relationship. We had wonderful times while we were together, we loved travelling, experiencing new things and going new places. However, when we got into an argument, she would prove to be unreasonable. I would often listen to her side of the story, and most times it did not make much sense to my point, but I listened anyway. When I explained my side of the story, she would interrupt me, and then try to add things in while I went along, and in the end, nothing got resolved.  We broke up for that same reason, I had to end it. I needed someone who was able to sit with me at a table, or quiet spot, talk about our problems, and work towards resolving them. If someone tells me something and acts outside of the spoken resolution, to me, that show lack of dedication, lack of interest and blatant disrespect for my feelings. So only you can decide when and where to draw the line of tolerance. Affection and Intimacy It is important to understand what attracts your mate to you, what turns him/her on, what are their turn offs, what makes them think of you, what makes them want you, what makes them crave you and what makes them go wild when they are in your presence. I do not mean that every single time this person should be hot  and ready for intimacy, however, there should always be room for the possibility. If you kiss your mate, he/she should be happy, wanting and just satisfied with your presence. If this becomes a burden or a chore, you need to find out why this is happening and how you can possibly fix it. Speak about intimacy issues with your mate, and let them know what is bothering you. You should also speak out when you are excited, things you like about the person, how they make you feel, how much you are into them. You should never try to say everything at once. Why? Because your relationship was not made in one moment, in one hour o rone day. Take the time to express yourself in the moment and not sum up everything at once. This will establish more appreciation and make your mate feel alive and vibrant when you enter their presence. Too much sex can become boring after a while. Sometimes it is good to hold back and spend time away from your mate, or go out and enjoy a movie, a date once in a while, do spontaneous things, be romantic. If your mate doesn’t seem to like much romance, speak up and ask them if they do and if not, what can be a substitute? You might not get an answer here, but I am sure you can eventually find out what makes their clock tick. Love Love for most people, at least most that I have come across, and interact with, comes from deep affection and appreciation of the person they are with. This is true as there is a saying that the more time you spend around a person, you see the beauty in them. However, in my opinion (emphasis added), again I say, in my opinion, I do not believe this is love at all. Appreciation, gratitude, thoughtfulness, attraction, etc are all great traits that may lead to love, however, I have found that a greater understanding of yourself and what you are truly seeking will bring along a more vibrant connection called love. I am not sure if this is possible for everyone, but I am sure it is attainable.  I myself have experienced something so wonderful, I wonder if I will ever get the chance to experience such pleasures again. From personal experience I bring you this small excerpt from my real past. I dated a fellow Gemini in college, we dated for approximately three years. Around the ending of the second year, we stood in front of her sister’s house and spoke about what we would like to accomplish in the future. We laughed and joked about various subjects. At that moment, I looked at my girlfriend and thought of how beautiful she was, the almost 3 years we were together and all the wonderful things we’ve done and what has kept us together all this time. I looked at her and saw a future with her, and saw what I wanted in a girl, in a woman, in a wife. She stared back at me after she saw that I was looking at her, and I felt her spirit interact with mine on an emotional level I could not explain. I saw a beauty beyond the physical woman standing in front of me, and I could not put words on the moment in time. My heart raced for a short moment and I kissed her on the forehead. I can tell she was not as matured as I was nor as ready as I was to start a family, but she knew I was in love with her. She did not consciously know what transpired at that moment, as she had no clue what she wanted spiritually. She just saw me as a boyfriend, the one man she was attached and attracted to. And for that, I wish it was different because I never met another woman that I was able to interact with on such a spiritual level. So to me, love is so much deeper than physical connections and emotions, it is more found on a spiritual level. However, this may be different for everyone. Growing up, I heard about infatuation, and the difference between infatuation and love, yet I have experienced something never explained to me and I haven’t heard it from anyone before. This raised the bar as far as self awareness for me.  I would urge all reading this to not expect to just have deep feelings for someone and stop there. Think about your partner as a learning experience and not an accomplishment. This way you both will find interesting things to keep learning about each other. This also helps build self awareness and develop more interest in your partner as a whole and not just as romantic partner.